Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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