I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
