wakey wakey hands off snakey
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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