someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
