sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
