no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
