Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
