I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You need Xanax blowdarts
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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