I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
