I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
