wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
