Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
