I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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