my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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