I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
