guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
