I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Four minutes until I can fart!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
