How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
