DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
