hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
