oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
