Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
