i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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