The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
