Your tits are I can't wait for
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
