Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
