It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
