my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
