So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
