Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
