My liver just broke up with me...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
