do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
