Your tits are I can't wait for
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
