Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
