I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
