where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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