Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
