I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize