Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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