You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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