I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
