You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
