Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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