Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
