Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh god it's open bar.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
