i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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