i just google imaged poop.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
