She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Shame - the story of my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
