my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
