"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
