do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
