We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize