you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
