yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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