I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
