I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
