Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
