Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
