I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize