he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
