Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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