Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize