shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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